Mentor's Field Guide · #4
Asking better questions: how mentors help people think
You don't always have to have the answer. Sometimes your job as a mentor is to ask the question that helps someone find it for themselves.
Quick answer
Great mentors ask better questions — what are you thinking, what are you dealing with, what are you trying to accomplish, what's in your way — so people can see situations differently and discover their own answers.
You don't always have to have the answer
One of the most freeing lessons in mentoring is that you don't always have to have the answer. Sometimes your job is to ask the right question.
A good question can make somebody stop and think. It can open up a conversation that may not have happened otherwise. It can help someone look at a situation differently — and even discover an answer for themselves.
Four questions that open real conversations
Instead of making the conversation about what the mentor knows, start by understanding the other person:
- What are you thinking?
- What are you dealing with right now?
- What are you trying to accomplish?
- What's getting in your way?
Talk less, listen more, go deeper
Asking better questions often means talking less, listening more, and being curious enough to go a little deeper. The follow-up question — "Tell me more about that" — is often where the real conversation begins.
This is why asking questions works hand in hand with Field Guide #3, The Discipline of Listening.
Why it matters for leaders and organizations
Leaders who ask good questions build teams that think for themselves. Teachers and youth mentors who ask instead of tell help young people develop judgment. Organizations building mentorship programs should teach mentors to coach through questions, not just share advice.
Help people think for themselves
As mentors, we're not here to think for people. Sometimes our job is to ask the question that helps them think for themselves. Better questions lead to better conversations, stronger relationships, and opportunities for real growth.
Frequently asked questions
- Why should mentors ask questions instead of giving answers?
- A good question makes someone stop and think, see a situation differently, and often discover the answer for themselves. That builds confidence and ownership that advice alone cannot.
- What are good questions to ask a mentee?
- Start with what they're thinking, what they're dealing with, what they're trying to accomplish, and what's getting in their way. Then stay curious and go a little deeper.
- Does a mentor need to have all the answers?
- No. Sometimes a mentor's job is not to have the answer but to ask the right question.
- How do better questions improve mentoring relationships?
- Better questions lead to better conversations, stronger relationships, and real growth, because the mentee feels understood and becomes an active part of solving their own challenges.
- Where does this lesson come from?
- It is Field Guide #4 of The Mentor's Field Guide video series by Melvin Williams Sr, author of There's a Mentor in You.
Bring this message to your people
Melvin Williams Sr is a mentorship and leadership speaker and the author of There's a Mentor in You. See his keynote topics or browse the Mentor Truths.